Untitled

This is the very first short story fiction I attempted to write for my Fiction Writing class which I did not get to complete because of conflict in schedule for the UAAP.

I wrote this July of 2005 (3 years ago) and I still haven't figured out the title. Once again, this is "fiction". =P

here it goes....

UNTITLED

She secretly made her way inside a colossal aged church. She decided to witness the ceremony of her beloved. To convince herself that it was all over. That it was time for her to move on; to gather her strengths once again and stand up; to face the world—alone. It was her entire fault. She knew it. She was a coward. She was afraid of changes. She was destined to be alone—forever.

She knelt at the last bench. Tears began to flow in her face as she saw him, a woman on his side. They were facing the altar. His brown complexion suddenly looked fair on his white Barong Tagalog. He was tall and well built. He stood out among the rest. His black wavy hair looked so neat. Her gaze never left him. She wondered if he was happy.

She did not realize she have been kneeling for quite sometime already. The ceremony was about to end. She felt uncomfortable, sweating cold. She felt weak. Her eyes were hurting for too much crying. So she closed them and prayed for the happiness of the couple.

She bowed her head and stood up. For the last time she gazed at him. That time his eyes met hers. Tears flowed on his face; hatred was in his eyes. She could not stand his stare. She felt she was sinking from where she stood—deeper and deeper, until she finally fell. Darkness was everywhere. She was shouting but no sound was coming out. She was falling for so long until all of a sudden it stopped.

Hearing the tick of the clock, she slowly opened her eyes. She was in her bed, grasping for breath. She sweated despite the chilly temperature of her room. She stayed on her back, trying to remember what happened. But her mind was hazy. She could not exactly remember what it was. She calmed herself. Then she curled her trembling body under a soft silk sheet. All she remembered, it was about Marc.

More than three years had passed since the first day they talked over text messaging. It was all the idea of their friend Jennifer, a freelance photographer, who met Karl during a wedding shoot. At first glance, guided by her instincts, Jennifer knew that Karl was the ideal guy for Lucy. She thought they could make a perfect couple. They have the same interests—especially in taking pictures, traveling, and eating all sorts of food. They were also adventurous, smart, and friendly. And most of all, they were both successful in their respective fields.

Out of curiosity, Lucy gave up to the pushiness of Jennifer. So Karl and her exchanged texts as if they have known each other for so long—very casual. She felt comfortable conversing with him. He always made a lot of sense. Even though, they were both careful not to be close to each other. But there was an indefinable chemistry between them. It was so strong that they even tried avoiding each other—but unsuccessful.

They have sent each other friendly text messages once in a while for almost 2 years. Both were hesitant to see each other. They talked about life, in general, but never talked about their own. They were too scared to open the topic. She knew from Jennifer that he had a girlfriend during those times and he knew as well that she was recovering from an unsuccessful first relationship.

She knew he was admirably faithful to his girlfriend because he courageously stayed away from temptations. They could have met each other earlier if he insisted but he never did. He knew his boundaries and limitations; a very rare trait among most men. That was the kind of trait she really appreciated, a trait her previous boyfriend never had.

Her face suddenly became gloomy after remembering him, her first love. She took a pillow on her side and hugged it tightly. It was during her 19^th birthday, when she finally decided to engage in a relationship and that was when she accepted the persistent courtship of her first boyfriend. He was the brother of her best friend whom she thought she knew well. He was 4 years older than she was and he had also been her brother, her adviser and her best friend. She adored him so much ever since. He was her clown, who never failed to make her laugh. They have been friends for the longest time when they realized they were in love with each other. Everything seemed to be in place. She was happy and suddenly felt satisfied with her life. It was her first time to love and be loved. She was overwhelmed by the feeling. He became her priority—nothing else but him. She loved him so much that nothing else mattered. They both planned about their future. He promised to propose right after she graduates from college. Everything was so perfect not until a terrible news reached her. He was to be a father, not from her, but from another woman. The so-called ten-month wonderful relationship they had suddenly became nothing but a tragedy.

Her perceived perfect world suddenly collapsed. She was so hurt. He tried to explain to her what had happened but nothing registered on her mind. His apologies were useless. Her senses seemed to have stopped functioning. All she felt was the almost unbearable pain inside her chest. Her innocent mind was aching with so many questions. Questions she can find no logical answers. All she did was love but she got betrayed in exchange. What did she do or not do to deserve it?

After several days, when her sanity was back, she realized that she cannot live without him. So she begged for him to come back, telling him she was willing to forget and forgive, convincing him not to leave her. But it was too late. They were to be married. He cannot allow his child to grow without a father. He told her that it was never his intention to hurt her but they were never meant for each other. She was like stabbed in the chest a hundred times after hearing those words. She cried almost every night but her questions were left unanswered.

After several months of mourning, her tears finally dried up. She made herself busy and focused on her studies. She graduated when she was 21. She immediately looked for work, afraid to be unoccupied and remember again her past. With her good credentials, she found a good job and worked her way up. Her being workaholic brought worries to her friends so they tried to set her up in dates, which she persistently refused. She was not ready. Almost 2 years had passed but the wound in her was still fresh. Several strong-willed men tried to win her but she built a thick wall around her, sturdy enough to discourage her suitors. However, her friend Jennifer was very insistent. That was the time when she informed her that she met the perfect guy for her—Karl.

Lucy tried to clear her mind. She remembered she was to be late for work. But she did not move. She felt lazy going to work. She was never late before not even absent. She was a model employee. But she suddenly felt ill. Instead of getting up, she rolled to the left side of her bed, curled her body and hugged her pillow more tightly. In the side table she saw herself in the framed picture. A pink gumamela was on her right ear. Her long wavy hair was slightly blown by the wind. Her chinky eyes were sparkling with joy. Her broad smile revealed a set of perfect white teeth. She appeared taller in her simple white bestida. Her fair complexion was radiating under the sun. She looked as if nothing mattered in the world. She was glowing with life. Her loveliness was complemented with the beauty of tiny brown hills on the background. Karl was lucky to capture such splendor. He gave her that picture a week after their trip to Bohol.

It was few months after she knew that Karl and his girlfriend had separated that they agreed to meet each other. She knew from Jenny that he was badly hurt by the break up because after 6 years of relationship, his girlfriend left him for another guy. She saw herself on his situation. She exactly knew how he felt; she wanted to comfort him and assured him that everything will be okay in time.

Their first meeting was overwhelming. He was attractive on his own ways. He never treated her like a fragile vase but as an able woman who can handle anything. He talked maturely (maybe because he was 5 years older than she was). She caught him staring at her and he would catch her too doing the same thing. Then they would blush like teenagers. They have talked about so many things except their own lives. She never asked him about the break up, afraid to spoil their moment. He did not intend to talk about it too, trying to forget. They both enjoyed each other’s company, laughing at each other’s simple jokes and appreciating each other’s opinion on different matters. Their first meeting was followed by another and another until they lost the count. They have shared so many adventures; met each other’s friend; and even met each other’s parents and relatives. They grew closer and learned to trust each other as well.

People around them grew more curious about their relationship but they ignored them. They avoided the topic even to themselves. She was satisfied with their set-up. No commitment but they have each other. She knew, even three years had passed after the hurtful break up; she was still not ready to commit. She developed a trauma for such commitments. And she understood as well that he felt the same. His experience was more recent and she was aware how hard it was to move on. So they continued to inspire each other’s lives, as friends.

Bored from lying, she stood up and sat in front of her dresser. She carefully studied her image in the mirror. She took her hairbrush and slowly combed her hair.

She again recalled their trip to Bohol. That was the best and the worst trip she ever had. It was the beginning and the end of everything. It was the best because together, they explored the beauty of nature. They took pictures of each other. They found beauty even in the simplest thing. They cruised the river of Loboc and played with tarsiers. They climbed the highest hill among the chocolate hills. They bathe in Mag-aso falls. They explored several caves. They exhausted themselves together with nature.

During the entire trip, she felt his desire to forget the pain he was feeling. She wanted to help him but he never confided to her. He kept everything to himself. Despite that, he never bored her. He would wake her up very early in the morning to watch the sun rise and they took pictures of it. He never got tired of watching the sun rise and set. Something that was very adorable of him.

She felt everything was so perfect with him. She felt happy and satisfied. But she tried to ignore it. She grew wary whenever she realized how happy she was with him. She felt scared because those were the same feelings she felt with her previous boyfriend. She became paranoid. Something he noticed.

On their last night in Bohol, they had a serious talk. And that was the worst part of the trip. They were lying in the seashore, opposite from each other. The moon was full and the stars were bright. It was romantic. Not until he confided to her.

“I love you,” he said from nowhere.

She was surprised, ran out of words. She stayed still, feeling numb with the words she heard. She did not know how to react. She felt something was very wrong. She felt lied. She felt afraid. She could not believe it was happening. She could not explain her emotions. Tears flew from her face. She stood up and ran, as fast as she can. She heard him calling her but she continued to run. She went directly to her room and locked herself up.

She could not explain her reaction. She did not know whey she ran. She just felt it was not right. She was so scared, maybe to lose another best friend; another brother.

The next day, they never talked to each other and they quietly aboard the plane. He looked terrible; he seemed to be up the whole night. She felt he was sorry. But she ignored him all the while. She was scared that she might not able to stop herself from hugging him. She could not stand the sorrow on his eyes. But she knew she was doing the right thing, for both of them.

That was the last time they saw each other. He tried to contact her but she stayed firm. She was certain she was doing the right thing for both of them, or maybe just for her. She was so scared of changes, of commitments, of another fall. She cannot afford another one. The pain was too much for her to bear.

But despite her avoidance, he patiently sent her flowers and gifts; one of those was her framed picture beside her bed.

Regardless of all the conditioning she had done to herself, she could not deny the emptiness she felt. He never left her mind ever since. She missed him so much. But she stayed firm on her decision. She would rather sacrifice their friendship than be hurt once again.

More than three months had passed since the day he stopped communicating with her but she never stopped thinking about him, wondering if he was fine and happy.

She stopped brushing her hair and stared at hr image once again. She almost had everything but she was alone and she was not happy. Was she destined to be alone forever? The idea saddened her and brought panic in her mind. She had tried to live her normal life lately but nothing seemed to be normal. She was confused and disoriented.

She had been staring at herself in the mirror for quite some time when her dream unexpectedly came back to her consciousness, as clear as crystal. He was in front of an altar, a woman on his side. He was wearing a Barong Tagalog, standing out among the rest. A priest was in front of them, leading the ceremony. She remembered his stare; it was full of hatred. She could not stand it.

There was something on his stare, not just hatred but something else—disappointment. It made her reflect for a while. Then she realized that for the past years she had been thinking about herself getting hurt. It was no one but her. She was disappointingly weak and coward. She was scared of changes. She thought, if she died the next day, had she lived her life to the fullest? Was she really satisfied with her life? The answers came crossing her mind. It was pretty obvious. The answer was NO.

She looked around her spacious room. In the right side of her bed, on a small lamp narra table, her cellphone rested. She grabbed it—now or never—and dialed his number. After few rings, he answered it. His voice made her realized how much she missed him. She collected all her courage and strengths and then she started apologizing. She explained the reason why she stayed away from him—that was to figure out some things and to know her self better. She apologized to him and told him how much she missed his company. She told him that she had been thinking of him all the time and she wanted to see him in the soonest possible time. She told him she had finally moved on from her past. She had finally recovered. And it was all because of him. She never let him talk until she ran out of words. There was silence in the line. She heard him breath deeply—gathering his strengths. Then he finally said, “Thank you….” He paused for a while and continued, “I got married yesterday.”